Adoption is not for wimps! No part of it. Not for the adoptee, the adoptive parents, or the birth mom. The beautiful parts FAR outweigh the heavy or hard parts…hands down!
I just want to be real. Finding your birth family is not always like the the tv show Long Lost Family or clips on GMA or the evening news. There are lots of reasons children are placed for adoption. I imagine that most of the time, it is a long, hard decision. Even if it is a decision made quickly and without much thought, the reality of it has to be hard at some point.
So, a couple weeks ago I sent another letter to my birth mom. I typed it in large, bold print due to her vision issues. Included in the letter were a few questions that I didn’t think to ask her when I met her last summer. I didn’t know if she would ever respond. But on Saturday an envelope came addressed to me in hand writing I knew was Jean Anne’s. This is what she sent me.
Yep, that’s all that was in the envelope. And I’m guessing she can’t remember my last name either. She’s delightful! Not gonna lie, I had some nice names for her when I opened this. My first thoughts were “I’m done. No more.” I mean, I’m a pretty strong person. But seriously, that’s just mean! I told Joe, I think I literally, physically would have died if I had been raised by her. I was a very sensitive child. I think she would have broken my spirit.
My first instinct is to just withdraw. And honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever reach out to her again. She’s made it very clear she wants nothing to do with me. But I did promise to obey whatever the Lord asks of me. So, I can only be prayerful. Prayerful for me to hear God’s voice and not make this all about me, but always make it all about Him. Prayerful for Jean Anne to have her heart softened for the Gospel. Honestly, I don’t care if she wants to know me at this point. But I do care that she knows the love of Jesus before her days are over on earth.
Part of me honestly thought maybe I should just drop all of this…all parts of my birth family. It is easy to feel fearful. It’s putting myself out there. And rejection sucks. But, in about a month I’m going to meet two sisters. They will be the first I’ve met besides Jean Anne. I don’t put my hope in them or anyone else…only in God. And He Is Enough!!!
MoreThanAllTheNumbers 