It’s been over 18 months since I started this journey of locating my birth family. There have been highs and lows, to say the least. But one thing in this journey has been sweet from the very beginning. My cousin Randy (through my birth mom’s side).
When I got my DNA results, it showed a few first cousins. I e-mailed one and didn’t hear anything back. Then I thought, “I’ll just send one more quick e-mail and see if it goes anywhere.” Honestly, I figured that would be the end of it.
Then I got the kindest e-mail back from Randy. Within a couple of quick messages back and forth, I was pretty sure that his aunt was my birth mom. I have to say, Randy was, and is, so respectful of Jean Anne. He was protective of her and her privacy. And at the same time, respectful of me and the journey I was on. We emailed daily for awhile. I slowly asked questions about his aunt, I didn’t know her name yet. And I just couldn’t put Randy in the position to ask him his aunt’s name. I had to figure that out on my own. Well…let’s be honest, I went to bed one night and my friends Cynthe and Kelly stayed up all night (in Nebraska and Arkansas respectively) researching until they figured out Jean Anne’s maiden name. It takes a village!!!
In the midst of all this, Missouri had opened up all the closed records to adoptees and we were able to request our pre-adoption birth certificates. So, I had mailed my application in at the first of the year and was told I’d have results in about six weeks. Each week I’d call the records department in Jefferson City and find out where I was in the line. I really wanted the birth certificate so that I didn’t have to come out and ask Randy. But…the records department was bombarded with applications (about 2000 in the first month). So…my actual birth certificate arrived after I had already been to Poplar Bluff and met Jean Anne.
So, back to Randy. As time went on and we emailed a lot, he told me that he knew that DNA didn’t lie. I asked lots of questions, some very direct, some very indirect. Randy is a kind and gentle spirit. As he answered my questions, he was always so thoughtful of both sides of this story.
One day, I had an “aha” moment, did a little research, and figured out who my birth mom and my brothers were on my own. I was SO glad, because I didn’t think I’d ever want to feel desperate and ask Randy to betray anyone. I took a few days and I wrote a letter to Jean Anne. I poured over old pictures and chose a bunch from all seasons of my life to include with the letter. I remember texting Randy when I mailed that package to Jean Anne. He was like “Wow! You’re really doing this!” And a few weeks later when I went all Thelma and Louise and headed to Poplar Bluff, Randy was honest. He said he couldn’t imagine that JA would agree to see me or talk to me. He clearly didn’t want me to be hurt.
Randy was the first person I texted a picture of me and JA together. I’m laughing thinking how much I would have loved to see his face when he got that message! Ha!Ha! It was a slow sorting out of my feelings on that trip, but I tried to slowly share them with Randy.
I have watched a LOT of episodes of Long Lost Family before and during this journey. There were so many people that talked about how they had always felt something missing in their hearts. And when they met their birth family they were finally whole. Their connections were instant. I was always amazed. But when I met JA, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t feel any connection. My heart was, and still is, burdened for her salvation. But, I did not have any touchy feely moments. Let’s be real…there’s nothing touchy feely about JA.
But, flash forward to July 2019. I FINALLLY got to meet Randy. It was more emotional than meeting JA. I truly felt and feel connected to this cousin. Granted…Randy is kind, gentle, generous, funny, open. But, he didn’t have to be. We genuinely connected. It was just a sweet, sweet gift from God. It was so fun to have dinner together and get to know each other better. As a whole, I imagine my connection with my birth family with be the road less traveled. But I’m so blessed by this cousin (and my sisters that I have met too). God is faithful. He is gracious. He is loving. And He is enough!
MoreThanAllTheNumbers 