It felt like I’ve been reading a really good book. Love the characters. Love the story. Favorite book ever. But my book was missing the first chapter. I feel like I know the story well enough without having that first chapter. But, I’m a little curious if there were any details I’ve missed that are important to the story. That’s the best way I can describe being adopted (for me).
So…picking up where I left off…I walked into JA’s house. I took her hand and said “Hi Jean Anne, I’m Joy.” Her response? “I know who you are.” She was kind to welcome us into her home, which I honestly never dreamed would happen. I honestly went to PB thinking we would look around, take some photos of places, but probably not meet JA. Yet, here we were, in her living room. There were no hugs. No show of emotion from JA. And God reminded me…”this is about Me. Show her the love of Christ.” So, I took a deep breath and we began a conversation.
I asked what she remembered about my grandparents. She said she couldn’t place them. Can’t really remember them. I asked what she remembered about when I was born. She said “not much.” I waited a moment. Then she said “they told me that ‘that’ baby died.” Really? “I don’t remember who it was, but someone at the hospital told me that ‘that’ baby died.” Even though I know this is not the truth, I tell her how sorry I am that she experienced that. Her response? “You have no idea!” I don’t!
For the next 45 minutes she talked. And she was honest, except about remembering my grandparents and saying that she thought I had died, I feel like she was honest. She told me who my birth father was. And it totally lines up on my DNA results. (That “first cousin” that showed up earlier, Angela…she’s actually my niece.) She told me she had dated my birth dad and they even talked about getting married. “Clearly that never happened!” she said.
JA told me quite a few things about her family and her childhood. Everything stated very matter of fact. She is about 15 years younger than her closest sibling, and she had a different dad from all the other kids. When I asked her if she was like her dad, she told me “I only saw him once and that was in his coffin.” So, there’s that. She also told us that when she was 4 she was living with her older sister Cleta and her husband. Cleta was pregnant with her first child. And at 9 months pregnant she got toxemia and she and the baby died. After the brother-in-law returned JA to her mom, her mom told her daily that she wished JA had died instead of Cleta. JA was 4. I cannot fathom!
She didn’t ask anything about me or my family. And honestly, it was okay. God kept reminding me, “show her the love of Christ.” So, finally I put my hand on her knee and I said, “Jean Anne, I have a very good life. I’m very happy.” She said “well it looks like you’ve got a nice family.” I assured her that I have a wonderful family. Amazing friends. But more than that, I serve a big God! I told JA how God has forgiven my sins, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. I told her how great His love for us is. She assured me that she has a “big faith”.
After about an hour we could tell JA was tired. So, we asked if we could stop by again on Sunday before we headed home. And she agreed. (Another surprise!) Then we asked for a picture. As much as I love pictures, JA hates them. She doesn’t really let anyone take pictures of her. But she agreed.
We left. Went to Starbucks. Made phone calls. Researched my birth dad. And then went exploring. We found my birth dad’s grave. Went by the First Christian Church where my grandpa had been pastor. Located the building where the hospital used to be located when I was born.
Sunday, we went back. And honestly, we had a nice visit, for over 2 hours. I asked more questions (and forgot to ask several that I wish I had thought of). JA warmed up more and more…as best as JA does. She shared some recipes with me. Brought out a few pictures. Gave me a copy of her parents marriage license. We finally saw a few smiles and heard her laugh. Mostly, she laughed at Cynthe, who she seemed to enjoy teasing. I found out little things…she’s left-handed just like our Clara. She doesn’t have gray hair (she’s 86)…and neither do I. We both color our hair to give it more texture because it’s so fine. (I know…these are deep questions I was asking. But a girl wants to know this stuff!) She doesn’t like to travel (I can’t imagine…I love to travel). She enjoys cooking (me too). She has a phenomenal memory…giving names, dates, addresses, etc. with amazing details. She a meticulous house keeper. And she likes nice clothes. In fact, she had just returned from Wal Mart when we arrived on Saturday and she was wearing heels, earrings, and nice slacks.
I’m not going to sugar coat anything, because finding your birth parent is not very likely to be like that show “Long Lost Family” on TLC. I am so thankful that JA welcomed us into her home. I’m thankful that I got to see her face, hear her voice, hear a bit of her story. But, there were no hugs. No tears. No words of affection. No explanation. For me, I wasn’t looking for that. I was just trying to be obedient to what God asked of me.
JA has lived a life with lots of secrets. When you do that, you build lots of walls. And your heart can become pretty hardened. But what I saw, was someone who just did not experience love as a child and possibly ever. It’s hard to know how to give love when you’ve never received it. And that breaks my heart. I hope that I showed love and grace to her.
Meeting her changed my heart in some ways. I’ve always said that everyone has a story and there’s a good chance you don’t know what it is. I did NOTHING to deserve the love of Christ, but He has loved me recklessly. Sometimes I just don’t bother to show his grace and love to others because they are “difficult”. JA is difficult. She’s negative. She’s judgemental. She’s opinionated (wonder where I got that). She’s not warm and fuzzy. Yet, God pursues her! So who am I to dismiss her or others?
There have been no letters or phone calls from JA. I’ve sent her a note and a photo of the two of us together. As of today, she hasn’t mailed it back. I have no idea if I will ever see her again. But, I’ve read the first chapter of my book finally. And I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the book.
MoreThanAllTheNumbers 